Rafiki was Right.

Pre-Blog Note: I don’t share any of the following for my own gain or for pity’s sake. I believe that the Lord works through both good and bad situations for the glory of Him and for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). This is part of my testimony and I have felt called to share a snapshot of my life to those who will read.

Today is my birthday. But March 24^th also marks the anniversary of another important event in my life. On March 24, 1999 my uncle committed suicide. Today marks the 15^th anniversary.

I grew up in the church and accepted Christ into my heart when I was six years old.  But after my seventh birthday I wanted nothing to do with God. I could not wrap my little mind around the idea that a loving, compassionate God would let such a thing happen to me. I did not understand why an all-powerful God could not have stopped what had happened. And for that reason I ran from God. But at the same time I tried to run away from myself. I thought that I was the reason why it happened. I grew up with so much self-doubt and insecurity because of that belief. I tried to find security and meaning in all the wrong things, but I always found everything lacking. Nothing could give me the security or reassurance I wanted. For ten years I tried to find myself in everything except for Christ.

It was not until my freshman year of college that I understood that I blamed God unjustly. Though God knew that my Uncle Doug would take his own life and He had the ability to stop it, God gave my uncle freewill to make that choice. Though I do not think I will ever fully understand why God allowed my family to go through such hardship, I can see now that I would not be the Christian I am today without experiencing that sorrow. I have seen God’s mercy and love pick up the pieces of my broken heart and put them together again. Jesus took my self-doubt and insecurities onto his shoulders and replaced it with confidence and security IN HIM. Through this, He has shown me that He is the only lasting foundation for my life, He is the rock I can lean on in hard times, and He will never leave me nor forsake me.

God has shown me that he really does use ALL circumstances for HIS glory and for the good of those who love Him. I may never entirely understand the “why” of everything I have gone through, but I know there is a reason. Maybe it is to show another side of His character I have never seen before, or maybe it is so that I can pass on the wisdom I have gained to younger Christians struggling with a similar situation.

“Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.” –Rafiki, The Lion King

I don’t know what past or present circumstances you are struggling with, but don’t run. Seek the Lord. He will be the anchor for your soul even when the waves of this life are crashing around you.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest…you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28, 29b